we all wander
these words are my innermost thoughts, turmoils, and fears. perhaps some of these will resonate with your own lives. perhaps you have gone through it all before.
19. college student. usa. texan. christian. lover of God.
I’m starting to get cynical again about everything which is so bad. Why is it so much harder to do anything now that I’m away from school? That goes for not just my faith - exercise, motivation, will to socialize. Maybe it’s due to the mindset that school is “real life” and home is just “vacation.” But you can never take a vacation from God. That’s not how it goes. And I’m mad at myself for even considering it. It’s like all the progress I made in my faith this year was for nothing.
I had a long talk with one of my friends last night, and it’s like all my eyebrow raising resurfaced. She’s Catholic, and while we both agree with similar things, I’m definitely not the perfect “Catholic” child by any standards like I have stated before. If one didn’t know that, it became startling clear after we started talking. Two random disagreements: I don’t care if my future husband is Catholic (only Christian - post for another time), and I believe that I can’t be close-minded about all the other religions out there. She believes Catholicism is the only right answer to faith (everyone else if wrong), but I definitely disagree. The more we talked, the more aggravated I got - especially when the topic of gay marriage came up. I understand the concept of religion and its difference from faith, but while I have one, I don’t believe in everything it states as its beliefs. Religion is so messy - why can’t loving God and sharing His works be enough?
I’m not going to lie, I’m also pretty nervous about transferring colleges. (Yes, I finally picked one.) Not only will I know nobody at my new school, I will be back to square one - first semester, freshman year. Seriously, it was the worst time ever, at least for me. I guess I’m hesitant because I was shot down so many times at my last year’s school. Every time I tried to be friendly and hang out, it was a lost cause. My confidence in my abilities to make friends has definitely diminished. It’s funny, because I certainly am not a shy person. I’m pretty outgoing and talkative. Oh well, the wonders of the world - everything happens for a reason. The Lord will guide me, I’m sure of it.
It’s still pretty scary though.
